


I Promised Not to Forget

by NatalisDomain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Angst, Gen, Supernatural - Freeform, not really au?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 19:29:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1084857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatalisDomain/pseuds/NatalisDomain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘This is my fault’ Dean thought, ‘I shouldn’t have pushed him. Oh God, oh fucking God.’ He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging just enough to keep him from breaking down, crying all at once. Sam’s body is motionless on the hospital bed; he’s been like that for hours.  Dean can barely keep it together, he can barely breathe, he can barely move. He feels like if he does, he will just shatter whatever’s left of Sam that’s keeping him alive. ‘Sammy, wake up, please…. just fucking wake up.’</p><p>Inspired by the video:<br/>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JB2NlltqLiI</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Promised Not to Forget

‘This is my fault’ Dean thought, ‘I shouldn’t have pushed him. Oh God, oh fucking God.’ He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging just enough to keep him from breaking down, crying all at once. Sam’s body is motionless on the hospital bed; he’s been like that for hours. Dean can barely keep it together, he can barely breathe, he can barely move. He feels like if he does, he will just shatter whatever’s left of Sam that’s keeping him alive. ‘Sammy, wake up, please…. just fucking wake up.’

 

“Mr. Winchester? I’m Doctor Smith.” A small voice came from the door, the Doctor cautiously stepped in.

 

Dean jolted out of his seat almost knocking it over, “Where the hell have you been?! My brother needs help! When is he going to wake up? Why hasn’t anyone come to check on him since we got here?” He didn’t care how desperate he sounded, because he was. Sammy is on the verge of dying and not a single person has done anything about it. “Please Doc…”

 

“Mr. Winchester” the Doctor Smith stated again. He was very neutral, so it was difficult to get a read on him, which worried Dean.

 

“It’s Dean.”

 

“Alright, Dean. I’m sorry but there is not much we can do to help your brother right now. That car crash really hurt him, bad. He has a severe concussion and honestly, I can’t tell you when he’s going to wake up because I don’t know.”

 

“What the hell do you mean you don’t know, you’re a fucking Doctor!”

 

“I’m sorry. All we can really do is pray that he will wake up soon.”

 

His head was spinning and now, so was the room. He had to sit back down to level everything out “so what you’re tellin’ me is that my brother’s life is in God’s hands and all I can do is pray?! Where the fuck has praying ever got anyone! When has God ever given a rat’s ass about all of us?” He points right at Sam, “Look at him; if there even is a God and if he really did care, do you think he would have wanted this?! And don’t say shit happens for a reason, because if this is some reason from God, it’s a fucked up one!”

 

Doctor Smith shoved his hands into his coat pockets, he truly did look sorry for Dean. But he could look and feel sorry all he wanted, it didn’t matter. Pity wasn’t going to fix, Sam. “I’m sorry Dean,” he responded again, “I really am.” He walked out and closed the door behind him, leaving Dean alone with his lifeless brother.  
~~~~~~~~

Dean had lost his headphones, so he had gone up to their room to try and find them, and that’s when he saw it in the drawer of their desk. The acceptance letter to Stanford, he didn’t even know Sam applied. And now he’s finding a letter with a full ride? He took it with him downstairs and found Sam sitting at the kitchen table; he waved it in the air. “What the fuck, Sam!”

 

Sam immediately knew what Dean was holding and frantically tried to rip out of his hands, but he wasn’t fast enough. “It’s not a big deal, Dean! Just give it back already!”

 

“Not a big deal? Not a big deal! I think it’s a little bit of a big deal when you basically decided to run away from me and from dad and not even tell us! Sam, we’re family!”

 

“I know we’re family! And I’m not running away from you! I’m trying to get out of this life, Dean! I don’t want to be a hunter, I want to make something out of myself one day and I can’t do that if I’m stuck doing this!”

 

Dean grabbed the mug right next to him on the counter and threw it at the wall. How could he do this? How could he betray him like this? How could he leave like it was nothing, when Sam leaving would mean everything? “What so saving people from all the monsters out there in the dark, that’s nothing?”

 

“I’m not saying that!” Sam was pacing back and forth now, shoving everything that got in his way. “I just can’t live like this anymore; I don’t want to live like this anymore! Why is that so wrong?”

 

When did things become so… so fucked up? It was supposed to be Sam and Dean against the world. But if Sam leaves it’s just Dean against himself, and that was what scared him the most. Not the monsters, not the demons, but what Dean will turn into without his brother to keep him sane. There’s so much darkness in the world, and even more of it in him. “I could have gone anywhere, I could have done anything! But I stayed here for you!” Dean slammed his fists onto the counter, “You gonna blame me for that?!”

 

“I’m sorry, Dean” Sam pleaded. His eyes brimming with tears, it took everything for Dean not to keep from losing it, too. “Dean I’m sorry I’m the reason your life is so fucked up, I’m sorry I’m what was holding you back all this time. I’M SORRY. But if you really do love me, then help me! Help me get out of this Dean. Please…” Sam waited for him to say something, anything. But he didn’t. “You can’t force a dream onto somebody else. It’s exactly what Dad did to you, so why are you forcing it on me?”

 

He doesn’t remember breaking any glass, but at some point he did. And Dean was holding onto it so hard, he sliced his hand. He didn’t realize until he felt it trickle down his fingertips but it didn’t hurt, not like the way Sam was hurting him. “You know the day I need you the most, the day I need your help-“

 

“HELP ME DAMMIT, HELP ME” Sam screamed as he crumpled up the letter and threw it as far as he could. It had nothing to do with that certain school, it could have been any one and Sam would have gone. He would have gone because he was tired of hunting, and not because he was afraid of the monsters. He was afraid that if he saw enough, then eventually he would become one. And that terrified him. All he wants is to get out and he wants Dean to be okay with that, because Dean is all he’s got. And Dean’s not.

 

He couldn’t bare the silence anymore, so Sam grabbed the first set of car keys he found and ran outside, and drove off in one of Bobby’s cars in the junk yard. Dean wasn’t fast enough to catch up to him. Yelling out Sam’s name was pointless, but he did it all the same until his lungs gave out.

 

An hour later, Dean got a call from a hospital. Sam was in a car crash.  
~~~~

 

Dean had been dozing on and off for the last two hours when finally heard a few muffled sounds. He saw Sam shift around as he began to wake up. In a split second Dean was by his side, “Shit. Shit shit shit, Sammy you’re okay. You gave me a fucking heart attack. Don’t you ever pull a dumbass move like that again.”

 

Dean was expecting a smartass comment, or at least Sam brushing him off telling him to shut up. What he wasn’t expecting was for Sam to answer back, “who are you?”

 

“That’s not funny, Sam.”

 

Dean sat at the edge of the bed, Sam pulled himself up high enough to be sitting up, and moved away from him “It’s not a joke you creep, who the hell are you?” Sam scanned the room and more panic began to set in by the second. He threw off the covers and tried to stand, but a jolt of pain shot from his head and just continued to spread, so he found himself back on the bed. 

 

Before Dean could register everything, Doctor Smith returned back to the room “Ahh, Sam! You’re awake, and you seem to be functioning for the most part. I’m glad. All we have to do now is a few more testing to make sure you’re okay and then-“

 

Sam stood up again, but he still had to lean against the bed for support. Both Doctor Smith and Dean rushed to aid him, but he shoved them away. “Who the hell is Sam, where am I, and what’s going on?!”

 

“This is really unfortunate” Doctor Smith sighed in realization. “You, young man, are Sam Winchester. Sam, I’ll answer the rest of your questions if you please get back in the bed. You are still too weak and I do not want to add to your complications. Besides, you must still be exhausted, right?” Sam slightly nodded and decided to agree to those terms, so he laid back on the bed. “Thank you.”

 

“Okay, now explain.”

 

“Sam, you were in a bad car accident. Someone found you in your car that was pretty banged up at the end of some road, so they brought you in for help. Luckily your cell phone was on you and we were able to call you ‘In Case of Emergency’ number, which happened to be your brother” he points over in Dean’s direction who is now sitting at the opposite end of the bed. “However, I am afraid you are now suffering from amnesia if you could not even remember Dean, and I am not able to tell you if it will be temporary or permanent.”

 

And that was that. They finished the tests they wanted to do and gave Dean permission to sign Sam out and take him home. The drive back was a quiet one. Sam was still cautious about Dean, and Dean didn’t know what to say. He managed to lose the one person that he can’t live without and what makes it worse is that Sam is here. He’s just not here. 

 

They pull into Bobby’s drive way and get out the car. Instead of going inside, Dean just sat down on the step. He was surprised that Sam did the same, but he didn’t sit close to him. Sam’s afraid of where he’s at, he’s afraid of Dean, he’s afraid because he can’t remember anything. Dean tries to ignore the sudden rush of emotions and just looks up at the stars.

 

“I- I don’t remember any of this.”

 

“I figured.”

 

“I thought at least one thing would be familiar, but no.” Dean can feel Sam staring at him. And he’s pretty sure that even though it’s dark, Sam can see how close he is from falling apart. He’s thankful that he doesn’t point it out though. So Sam follows his lead and looks right up at the night sky, too.

 

After what felt like forever, Dean clears his throat and speaks up, “you know, the doc said if I show you everything that could trigger memories, even if it’s one or two, it could help. Maybe even bring everything back. I’d pull out a photo album or something, cause he says pictures are usually best for that, but our family- we don’t really have ‘picture moments’ so we’ll have to find something else.” Dean slowly got to his feet again, “I’ll fix this, Sam. I promise. I’ll do whatever it takes; you gotta trust that I will.” He holds his hand out and Sam accepts his offer, letting Dean help pull him up. 

 

Dean was about to turn around to open the front door, but Sam grabbed his shoulder, “wait” there was urgency in his voice.

 

“What is it, you okay? What’s wrong?”

 

Sam gripped what was hanging around Dean’s neck. A long, black leather string and on it was some tiny gold amulet. He tightened his fist around it.

 

Dean wrapped his hand around Sam’s hand that’s clutched so tight “You gave this to me for Christmas years ago when we were kids. I’ve worn it every day since. Do- do you remember that?”

 

“I think I- Ahhhh!” Sam stumbled back as he clutched his head, pain running everywhere. Dean rushed to his side to hold him up as Sam rode out whatever was happening. A few minutes passed before he stops shouting, now breathing heavily.

 

“Sam? Sam are you okay! Don’t pass out on me man come on, talk to me!”

 

Without hesitation, Sam hugged Dean for all he was worth. Dean couldn’t tell if it was from the shock, or if he was afraid or what, but he embraced it and hugged him back just as hard trying to comfort his brother as much as he could. “Dean, I remember.”

 

As much as he wanted the hug to last, he had to pull away and look at him “what?”

 

“I remember everything. I remember mom, I remember dad and bobby, and I remember the fight, the accident. I remember you.”

 

“Sammy, oh thank God I thought I lost y-“

 

“Dean, I’m so sorry.” He crawls to the edge of the step and hugs his knees to his chest, crying.

 

Dean sat right next to him, “No Sam, I’m the one who should apologize. I fucked up so bad and man I just-“

 

“No, Dean! Not that. Well, I mean yeah for that too but that’s not what I’m talking about. I broke my promise.”

 

Now it’s time for Dean to be confused as he jerks his head back, “Sammy, what are you talking about?”

 

“Don’t you remember? Dad got hurt real bad on one of his hunting trips and was in the hospital for months, so we stayed here at Bobby’s.”

 

“Which time, that always happened man. Dad isn’t always careful when it comes to certain cases, you know that.”

 

“But this was one of the worst kind of cases. We thought he was gonna die, I couldn’t have been more than 10 at the time. And we were here by ourselves while Bobby kept an eye out on him in the hospital, and we were out in the back when I asked you what happens when you die. And you told me ‘you forget everything’. And I said ‘even you’? And you answered ‘yes, even me’. No matter how many times you explained to me that everyone dies eventually, that it was apart of life, I didn’t want to die. Because I didn’t want to ever forget you. I promised you I would never and I did, I fucking did. Dean I am so sorry.” Sam lifted his hoodie to his face and wiped away the tears that were falling down; he could feel his chest getting tighter.

 

Dean dragged Sam over and hugged him as hard as he could, even crying a bit himself. But he didn’t let Sam see because right now he had to be strong, for him. “Shit I can’t believe you even remember that. It’s okay Sammy, it’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.”

 

“But Dean!” He sobbed louder into his older brother’s shoulder.

 

“You had no control over that, it wasn’t your fault. That doesn’t matter to me alright? What matters is that you’re fine. You’re here, that’s more important to me than any old promise, okay? Now come on” he lifted the both of them to their feet, “let’s go inside and get some sleep. We can talk more if you really want tomorrow, but right now you need sleep. And I wouldn’t argue against some either.” Sam nodded in response and followed him inside.

 

They changed into some sweat pants and a t-shirt and got ready for bed. Sam got under the covers while Dean sat on his bed and watched his over him for a little longer, just to make sure he really was okay. “Dean? When Bobby and dad come back from their hunt in a few weeks, I won’t tell them about… you know. The accident. It never happened.”

 

A small smile crept on the corner on Dean’s lip, “Thanks, Sammy.”

 

“And Dean? I know I don’t say this, actually I don’t remember the last time I ever did. I just…. I love you, okay?”

 

“I love you too, Sammy.” He turned off the light and got comfortable in his bed, ready to clock out for the night. But before he does he whispers from across the room “and I’m real proud of you getting that full ride.”

 

Even though he can’t see, he can feel Sam smiling, “thanks, Dean”

 

“Goodnight, Sammy.”


End file.
